a cypher indeed

I had forgotten that i started this blog. 8 days on my wife Gill died very suddenly at my side

It is the last day of 2010 today

and i am overwhelmingly sad

I realize i am maybe writing a suicide note no one will ever find

Cypher?

A wanderer on the world wide web

I never dreamed when I first wrote a diary aged 13 1/2, like Mr Adrian Mole, or more likeNick Owen, whoever he is, that I would one day be able to write for anyone on earth, and that within moments of pushing down keys on a keyboard my words would be available to millions.

A nobody becomes Cypher, a comic hero. My last blog, Blairy England, finished with the political demise of the prime minister of that name, though it is still out there for those curious about me, my world and times past.

Writing a journal had been for many years part of my way of being. I wrote to remind myself of who I had been, whom I thought I was, to define and redfine myself. I guess I am doing so again, because I want to find out once more who I am, what I stand for, whether I still stand up or stand out, whether my existence is real for myself and for others. 

For some time I have only written poetry, and lately even that has dried up. Last year was the worst in my life. I have been through despair without ever sinking into depression. 

Now as the sun shines, summer comes again, as it never came in 2008, and I write in hope.

The papers tell us that Brown is about to fall. Today we vote for local councilors and Euro-M.P's.

At a time when my own rage has fadedit appears my fellow citizens are angry. No doubt it will show in votes cast and maybe votes not cast at all.